It has been so long since I’ve felt motivated or inspired to blog. Even journaling has been all over the place since the Anusara melt down. It seems like yesterday and a few lifetimes ago that we were all flitting around the planet coming together growing a dream and vision of ‘Goodness’ to change the world for the better. It will take a few more yesterdays and lifetimes to totally comprehend the complexities of what happened and why. There are as many perspectives on it as there are different people with opinions.
This past spring equinox I participated in a significant sweat lodge in Costa Rica with some very powerful teachers on the planet. The energy was so potent when I left the inipi (sweat lodge, or 'womb’) I truly felt re-birthed. It was then I decided to reclaim my birth name, Benita, ‘Blessed’.
During the next 24 hrs we did a shamanic journey meditation calling in a power animal to guide us for the next cycle of our Path. I have had power animals join my life path before, so this wasn’t a new practice and it was to invite the energies of what I need now. In the vision, a Deer came to me. At first I was like “a deer?”, kinda wishing for something sleek and cool like a panther. As I contemplated the deer energies, I felt alertness, swift graceful power. I remembered the murghi mudra taught to me by my philosophy teacher. It is a story about the celestial beings that take form as deer to enjoy each other in intimacy and love. Intimacy is where art, love and learning take place. The mudra stands for sweetness of the conversation of teacher and student. It is a beautiful hand mudra of the kissing deer, to remember the love and honor between teacher and student. I love and miss that teacher and feel grateful for him, I feel grateful for all my teachers.
About a month later, I woke up and noticed a little spider bite on my leg. It was a little irritating, itchy and I did my best to ignore it and not scratch. Within a couple of days it got red and angry, my beloveds urging me to go get antibiotics. I only had one day to get ready for a three-week teaching trip and going to urgent care seemed like a waste of time, besides, I do homeopathic and naturopathic care anyway. I had grapefruit seed extract, tea tree oil, all of the natural remedies you can think of. To make a long story short, the bite was horrible, with a fever and gaping infection. 24 hrs later I ended up on antibiotics in Argentina (the 2nd time I’ve taken them in over 25 yrs). The bite was from a brown recluse, and the muscle on my thigh was affected, and the skin and tissue died creating a huge hole silver dollar sized and very deep. Somehow I was able to teach and practice anyway.
As I was contemplating the bite and life, I realized the bite was ‘spider’ medicine, a call to consciously and creatively step into weaving a web of love and light for awakening on the planet. With the practice of bhavana, (contemplation, being with an experience or feeling) the spider reminds me about the infinite nature and interconnectedness of all life, I am the weaver of my own life.
The relationships we engage in are woven networks of love that touch everyone, threads of connection the delicate spider can move back and forth across with love and gentle strength. OR, the webs we weave create patterns that can be webs of entanglement, sticky and harmful. The spider represents feminine mother or grandmother energy, creativity, writing and communication and She is calling me.
Sitting on the threshold of high summer before the sun begins to wane and the dawn of the Super Honey moon, as I reflect over the past couple of years, I remember. The teachings of non-dual Tantra offer, everything and anything can be an opportunity for recognition and expansion of consciousness, gateways to awaken to our Divine nature. I’ve learned that the love transcends all the petty bickering and earthly stuff. I’ve studied with a few of my friends, ex-Certified Anusara teachers over the last year, and they are all still as excellent as before, evolving their individual expressions of the teachings that wove our hearts together into something they can name their own. I see my friends shifting and risking, finding their new path, opening spaces to share the love of yoga, creating programs and offerings. I love them and I truly feel joy for their great beauty, service and success.
My vision going forward on this full moon night carries the energy of the spider, a weaver of the web, a web of love, grace and yoga. As a spider weaver I walk the matrix with grace and ease. Holding the energy of the deer with her gentle watchfulness, attuned to her environment and subtle movements around her, I hold the murghi mudra in my heart, the symbol of the kissing deer, love and honor for my teachers’ grace, and love and honor for the grace of my students.
Tonight as the moon rises over the Rockies, I will envision the Web, a global community collaboratively woven with gentle power, grace and Love. Blessings to all under the abundance reflected as sweet luminous light of this Honey Super Moon.
"Envision the best expression of yourself, and then be your vision." - Benita